Imagine that you are having a disagreement with someone. As you’re speaking, you notice that the other person is paying close attention to what’s happening in the moment, right here, right now. It seems as if the other person is truly listening with their whole mind. They’re paying attention not just to your words, but also to your tone and your body language. They are able to reflect back what you have said. Wow! What would your response be?
Chances, are, you would probably feel respected, and you’d want to return that respect. What a powerful foundation for working through a problem or disagreement. When you silence your inner monologue and stop thinking about how you want to respond, so you can really hear what’s being expressed. When you can fully “be here now” during a conflict, you lay the groundwork for respectful, mature conflict resolution.
Are you aware of the energy that you are using to create your words? Are your words coming from your heart with the intent to create a loving outcome that is fulfilling for all involved? If not practice the discussion in your meditation and ask your Soul to help bring words that are both healing and enriching which brings resolution to both the internal and eternal conflict or unease that you may be experiencing.
Trust in your inner wisdom and guidance being offered by your Soul and you will be successful by maintaining awareness and presence of your self in that moment.
But what if during the discussion you discover that you have hurt someone, intentionally or unintentionally? Difficult as it is, your first step is to acknowledge it. You might say something like, “I’m sorry I didn’t follow through on what I told you I’d do,” or “I apologize for not listening to you and respecting your point of view.” Doing this requires humility, but it’s an essential first step to rebuilding any level of trust in a relationship. The second step is to prove, through your actions, that you mean it. Words without actions are meaningless.
What if someone has hurt you? You must gently confront the issue and tell the person, in a non-accusing way, what hurt you. Begin your sentence with “I”, not “you”. For example, “I felt hurt when you were critical of me last week. I need to know you support me and believe that I’m doing my best.”
This give and take is what healthy relationships are all about. Whether you have hurt someone else or someone else has hurt you, taking these steps will leave you with greater peace of mind. Do this, and you will have the kind of relationships that can handle disagreements and move forward when they occur.
Sandy Hounsell founder of Soulawaken is on a mission to clear the toxic dustbin that is holding people back from stepping forward into the vibrant, healthy joyful lives they deserve.
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