Some people can spend hours dwelling on the wrongs done to them; the injustices, the slights, the snubs, and the accusations or from just bad treatment. They can think of a particular instance and up comes the same feeling the original event, and they get angry all over again. To resent something or someone is once again feeling the fear, the anger, the hurt, the humiliation and the pain of the original experience – real or imagined.
When resentments are held onto and not healed, they go on to form harmful beliefs and patterns of behaviour, where blaming and judgement now justify those behaviours. Sadly, this then inhibits any emotional trauma resulting from the original event having an avenue through which it can be released. The effect of holding onto the emotional trauma as well as the resentment, creates further pain and dysfunction in the physical body, so our health is also affected.
Resentment stifles internal growth.
Resentment stifles inner growth, which in turn adversely affects our personal outer world and how we reflect upon the world at large. When resentment takes hold it drags us down. The heavy load packed full of blame and judgement keeps us bounded in fear; the fear of letting go. The idea of no longer being supported by the thoughts and energy that we are right to be judgemental further increases our need to hold on to the resentment. The idea of dismantling the scaffolding that has held us up, kept us strong, and others at bay, and keeping our heart firmly closed is not an option when resentment rules our thoughts and our feelings. Resentment eats away at self-esteem and peace of mind. Our internal health crumbles away where feelings of hope are swallowed up by bitterness and blame.
Of course, we can’t always have control over what happened to us, especially if we were children, but as adults we do have choice. And it’s when we exercise that special gift we can free our selves fro the most strangling of thoughts and behaviours. The greatest gift that choice offers each one of us, is that we can take ownership of our feelings and behaviours and so determine the outcome of our life and the path that we tread. A life filled with resentments binds us tight and cripples any chance of creating a life that is happy and joyful where we can express our true self that is loving, kind and compassionate. The light that emanates from our true nature shines a path that is blessed, rewarding and incredibly fulfilling.
Any time resentment takes up emotional space, it indicates there’s an issue that has not yet been resolved. So take a look inside, see where it is coming from and more importantly why. Take time to explore, as sometimes holding onto resentment is a way of avoiding pain. As you delve inside and unlock that door the pain too has a chance to heal. You also give your self the opportunity to relook at the event or situation that gave rise to the resentment in the first place, and where a clearer understanding can come into view.
How to deal with old resentments.
Write them down; talk about them, not in a blaming way, but with a willingness to see all aspects of the issue. Look also, for the wisdom being presented; the golden nugget of wisdom that will bring clarity, offering you the chance to determine of what can be let go of and what requires more work. You may begin to see where love and understanding can create a deep sense of wholeness and inner peace.
Spiritual Healer, Hypnotherapist, Soul Awakening Mentor and Author
I first suffered anxiety when I was 12 years old and real deep sadness and loneliness. I woke up one morning in a panic feeling as if a lightning bolt had been driven into my chest and it intensified during some dark times in my life when my brother Nick suddenly died in a car accident when I was 20 which caused me to spiral out of control. I contemplated suicide and really panicked when I thought about going a whole lifetime without seeing my brother. Then when I was first married, I experienced a lot more emotional turmoil when my husband turned out to be an alcoholic and I divorced him when I was 8 months pregnant, And the last time was when i suffered a nervous breakdown in 1998.
I had contemplated suicide when Nick died, during the emotional turmoil of my first marriage and now agin in 1998 when I had a nervous breakdown, This time I experienced my life falling apart in yet another way. I could see that I was dismantling my self, in order to find my true self. There were times when in deep despair I could feel my cells dying and telling me to stop this, and find my way out.
As always since my teens, I meditated as best I could between dark foreboding thoughts and almost manic highs. Panic attacks were nightly occurrences that had me fighting for my life. But each time I felt my Soul stirring inside holding me together and finally when I was ready to exit, showing me out of the maze. Once out i realised that I had been putting off helping others for too long and regardless of what was to come that is what I was intent on doing.
I didn’t care about the security of a 6 figure salary. I knew I had to heal others, not in parallel to my career as I had been doing, but instead of it. I learnt to see myself during the panic attacks from another place and the road map which was quickly filling up with new information. I couldn’t put it off any longer and I came up with my system. In 2001 I started my healing business Soul Awaken and now Anxiety Free.